Anakin & Edward, bestest of friends
by x Ugly Duckling x
Summary: Random one-shot. The life & times of Edward Cullen and Anakin Skywalker, best buds. "May the best man's wife survive her unplanned and life-threatening pregnancy," Edward raised his glass. "Cheers," Anakin raised his.


**Edward & Anakin, the bestest of friends**

Random one-shot. The life & times of Edward Cullen and Anakin Skywalker, best buds. (Not slash.) Supernatural powers aren't the only thing they have in common. As life unfolds, their similarities seem endless. Read the tale of two men whose fates are practically identical.

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_This story defies a lot of rules. Edward's "born" a vampire, for starters. Just suspend logic and focus on the moral of the story._

_Anyway, I'm both a Twilight and Star Wars fan, which I guess is pretty rare/strange… but I always enjoy parodies and clever critiques of either storyline. (Robot Chicken Star Wars is among my favorites.) So here, I present what I hope is a clever appraisal of Edward & Anakin's many uncanny similarities. Enjoy!_

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Edward Cullen and Anakin Skywalker couldn't remember meeting each other. As neighbors growing up in a quiet subdivision, they'd been friends since the day they learned to walk to the other's house. Anakin found the Cullens a little strange, with their pale sparkly skin and cold touch, but that didn't affect his time with Edward.

Edward, meanwhile, found it strange when Mrs. Skywalker mentioned coming to Earth through a black hole. She might be crazy and think she was from another galaxy, but she was a nice person who encouraged the boys' friendship.

That friendship deepened when they discovered their mutual powers. All through middle school and high school, they learned to master their skills, usually in hopes of impressing the ladies. Each had his sights set on a specific girl. At lunch one day in the cafeteria, the two seniors discussed their crushes.

"So who's this mystery girl you're after?" Anakin asked.

"Over there, sitting with Mike and Jessica," Edward nodded toward a distant table.

"Bella?" the Jedi guessed. "Eh, she's all right."

"Well, I think I know who _you_ have the hots for. You're always looking at the Honors Club table. The one where Padme sits with her quiz bowl nerd friends?"

"You're good. But you probably cheated and read my mind."

"Guilty as charged. Say, do you notice anything similar about Bella and Padme?"

Anakin shrugged. "No, should I?"

"There's something, I can't quite put my finger on it," the young vampire mused. "They look alike, don't you think? Long brown hair? Brown eyes? Both really petite and demure?"

"I guess," Anakin shrugged again, looking between the two girls. "Well… yeah, the more I look, the more I see it! They're almost like the same person!"

"Both nerdy, too. Guess we both like smart chicks."

"High five to _that!_"

"Too bad they're no good for us."

"Why do you say that?"

Edward sighed. "I'm a vampire, you're a Jedi. Neither of us is good husband material. You're forbidden to marry and let's face it, I'd pulverize my wife's bones on our wedding night."

"Huh. Good point," Anakin pushed his food around absently. "Maybe we'll dazzle them with our hot bodies and symmetrical faces – I've heard chicks can't resist those. It's biologically irresistible or something."

"Brilliant!" Edward grinned. "Sounds like a plan!"

The plan worked. Not long after graduation, both boys managed to get the girls to marry them. Marrying while still both teenagers was yet another thing they had in common. Sometime after their nuptials, the two buddies shared lunch one afternoon. Both looked anxious and distracted as they sat down.

"So how have you been?" Edward initiated. "How's Padme?"

Anakin's eyes darted around the restaurant, making sure no one could hear. "Pregnant," he gulped.

"So is Bella," Edward leaned in.

"Padme hardly ever leaves the apartment. She's afraid someone will see her and tell the tabloids! It'd ruin her political career, not to mention mine."

"Bella _can't_ leave the apartment," Edward confided. "She's too weak."

"What's worse is I have visions of Padme dying in childbirth!"

"At the rate things are going, Bella will be lucky if she lives long enough to _give_ birth!"

"Damn," Anakin frowned. "Our babies are kind of like terminal cancer, aren't they?"

"Tell me about it."

"Maybe getting married wasn't such a hot idea after all."

"You're the one who said we should go for it, remember!" Edward crossed his arms indignantly. "You and your stupid Jedi charisma."

"Hey, it's not all my fault - your physic sister should've seen this coming!"

"I could say the same about your almighty Jedi council!"

The two glared at each other until their food arrived, at which point Edward's mood lifted.

"At least I have a failsafe," he boasted, pushing his uneaten food around. "Even if Bella dies, she won't really _die_. Catch my drift?"

"I've got a plan too. I made a new friend who says he can keep Padme from dying."

"Oh really?"

"He's right over there," Anakin nudged his elbow toward a booth across the aisle. There sat a cloaked figure hunched over a plate of raw, mangled meat he was veraciously consuming. Waving, Anakin tried to catch his eye. "Hey Palpatine!"

With a grunt, the old man looked up from his food and smiled, baring a set of rotten teeth. Edward snorted.

"_There's_ a real winner. Does Padme know he's her miracle worker?"

"Not yet. And lose the attitude, Palpatine's good for it!"

"Right. Good luck with that," Edward said smugly.

"Hey, good luck with poisoning your wife with excruciating venom," Anakin retorted.

"May the best man's wife survive her unplanned and life-threatening pregnancy," Edward raised his glass.

"Cheers," Anakin raised his.

Months passed, and the men were too preoccupied with their respective dilemmas to keep in touch. Neither knew what became of the other's spouse – until Edward read Padme's obituary in the paper one day. It confused him that it said she was survived by her husband, Darth Vader. Had she divorced and remarried so soon?

Needing answers, he dialed Anakin's cell. He thought he'd called the wrong number when he heard hoarse, heavy breathing on the other end.

"Uh, hi… I was trying to reach Anakin Skywalker?"

"This is h– I mean, that name no longer has any meaning for me," a mechanical voice said. "Er, hey Edward."

"Anakin, is that you?" Edward made a face. "You sound terrible! Anyway, I heard about Padme. I wanted to say how sorry I am."

There was nothing but slow, heavy breathing for a minute.

"How did Bella make out?"

"Oh, she died too," Edward replied casually. "But thanks to my venom, she's still around, _and_ hotter than ever!"

"Lucky bastard."

"Yeah, tough break for you. Sorry man."

"_Vader, get off the phone and help me into the tub! I haven't got all night!"_ Palpatine's grating voice could be heard shouting in the background.

"Um, I have to go…" Vader said awkwardly. "See you around, I guess."

Edward was thoroughly perplexed when he hung up, amazed at his friend's misfortune. As he sat in stunned silence, Bella entered the room, carrying young Renesmee.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"Just an old friend," Edward answered, staring blankly into space. "Sometimes I wonder how we stayed friends for so long, with so little in common."

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_Am I the only one who sees all this? Well, if I was before, hopefully this story has enlightened others. The world is a better place now. :P I just found their similarities too uncanny not to share. End of random crossover that probably should have never been written..._


End file.
